Why now?

Well - I'm realizing that I haven't posted much about 'my story'. It's not much different than most of the stories that have been shared here in band-land. Warning - this may be a novel!

I started the chubby phase around age 10, had a traumatic event occur in the 8th grade and gained 70 lbs over the next year. I joined WW for the first time in 9th grade - but I still had confidence and didn't really let my weight stop me from living. I was a cheerleader, an FBLA officer, a Madrigal in the choir and in the National Honor Society. Before my senior year I lost quite a bit of weight and felt great. After I met my now husband - things got comfortable. I was in the low 200's when I started to try to get pregnant. Month after month I'd start my period and with all the disappointment and hormones raging I'd gain 5 pounds. I balloned up to 270 or so by the time I did get pregnant and then I miscarried. Only a few months later - I was expecting again and ironically I only gained 17 pounds. Add in a WW experience, then another pregnancy - in which I only gained 18 pounds, then the Zone, WW again, natural eating and I'm now over 300 pounds.

Why now?

My two boys - Cole and Clark. They amaze me every day. The older one is just like me - he's more shy and reserved, he's sensitive, he's a perfectionist, he does extremely well in school - he just tested for the gifted middle school and to top it all off he's a great athlete. He's been an all-star for the past three years for our LL baseball organization, he plays USSSA baseball all year long (yes we live in Virginia and it's cold outside - but they belong to an indoor facility), he's a running back on the football team and a guard on the basketball team. The younger one - I joke is my dumb jock. He is the charmer, the leader, the popular kid - we can't go anywhere where someone doesn't know him. He does well in school, but he's not passionate about it. He is our super jock -- everything comes naturally to him. He is the quarterback, a point guard and he plays LL and travel baseball too. Now that I've sounded like one of those mom's who just brags and brags -- I'll get to my point. I had an awakening one day when I realized my kids could really go places in this world and do great things -- what if I'm not there to see it? or worse what if I die young of obesity and I throw their lives off course?

Fortune Cookies

Last week we had team members in from Europe so we had a team lunch. The boss's choice - Chinese. I went ahead and indulged in the sesame chicken so yummy. There were 10 of us - when I opened my fortune, it read:

"The current year will bring you much happiness."

Perfect, right? Of all the people at the table - I get this fortune. It's fate, I guess!

BTW.... 23 more sleeps until surgery - time is flying. Eight days until pre-op diet starts, but I've been doing the protein shakes here and there to get used to how long they will keep me full so I can time them out perfect when I start, so I hope it's not a total shock when I start next Thursday.

Banded Babe or Shar Pei?

Okay - calling all bandster veterans!! I have thought about excess skin, but I guess I really haven't THOUGHT about excess skin. Do you have any advice for those of us just starting out on this journey. Are there any magic lotions, potions, home remedies, etc? Or should I just buy stock in Spanx now???

Okay - seriously --- I'd rather live with excess skin than all this fat keeping me from living life so it's a trade off I'm willing to live with.

However, I must admit that I am a little nervous about losing 'the girls'. One of the few advantages of being morbidly obese is that I have amazing full perky knockers - I really don't want to lose them (she says as worry spreads across her face). Does this seem to be a problem for bandsters? Any advice here? Or do I just hope that my Spanx stock splits three or four times and that I can use my returns to buy new boobies!

I guess I shouldn't be too upset if someone mistakes me for a Shar Pei - they are sooooo darn cute!

NSV's

I haven't wanted to put down my weight goals - until I get closer to surgery date. I have been thinking about NSV 's I want to achieve and how awesome they will feel when I get there. No particular order --- except for number 1.

1. Sleep without a CPAP machine - or my snuffalupagus mask as one of my BFF's kindly calls it!!

2. Wear jeans without an elastic waste band - except maybe jeggings - I'd love to pull those off.

3. Wear high heels.

4. Size 18's.

5. Size 12's.

6. Weigh less than my hubby.

7. Walk up a flight off steps without getting winded.

8. Walk a 5K.

9. Run a mile.

10. Run a 5K.

11. Enjoy bath time --- (explanation - this is the time my husband and I use to re-group on Friday nights when we are super busy and don't have time for date night --- and get your mind out of the gutter it's not all about doing the nasty. It's not that I don't enjoy it now, but I'd like to get rid of the insecurities that go through my head). Hope that's not TMI!!

12. Wear a bathing suit that isn't a swimdress.

13. Get on a roller coaster without the fear of not fitting -- yes this happened to me one -- I had to move to a plus size seat at Busch Gardens Williamsburg --- totally mortifying.

14. Not have to quietly ask for a seat belt extender when I fly.

15. Shop at Victoria's Secret.

16. Walk without my thighs rubbing together.

17. Have someone not recognize me.

18. Dance like a rock star!!

Well, that's all I can think of for now. I hate that it's not an even number, but I'm sure I will have even more than these!

Thanks to all my fabulous followers - your words of support are super. My hubby is still amazed that I'm blogging and that I actually have followers, but then again it took him over a year to adopt the facebook craze and now he is addicted. Maybe he'll start a blog next.

A Date Does Exist.....

After all my ranting this weekend - I got a date today! Thanks for all the encouraging words.

I will be officially banded on 2/10 --- that's exactly one month from today.

I was hoping it would be a bit sooner, but I'm staying positive. I didn't put all of this weight on in one month, I can wait another month for surgery. I have my band class in two weeks and then start the pre-op diet on 1/27.

I'm very excited about the future!!!

Rant....

Warning - positive thoughts do not follow!

I still do not have a surgery date. I'm very frustrated!! I thought the insurance approval would be the hard part. It's been almost three weeks since I was approved. I've called the surgeon's office several times and finally Wednesday they called me back to say they schedule the surgeries in the order they are received. I was originally told 2-3 days and it's been three weeks.

I'm trying to remain positive - but I don't think it's working. The biggest problem is that I keep finding myself eating bad b/c I keep thinking I should eat it now because I won't be able to soon. But soon isn't getting here quick enough. I did buy some protein shakes today to start drinking this week - maybe they will help me focus until I get my date.

I hate that I'm being so self absorbed, especially when others are receiving far worse news. I just feel sooooooo close, but sooooooooooo far away!!

Rockin' for a Cure

The event is over! It went off without a hitch and we raised $6K for the American Cancer Society - not too bad for our first event. Hopefully next year will be even bigger, but I will be much smaller!

I did spend the whole night being paranoid about how my dress looked. My hubby was very supportive and told me multiple times how beautiful I looked (I'm in the polka dots). Next year, I will have an amazing dress and will wear it will extreme confidence!! That's a promise.